I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
