My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
