I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
