Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
