Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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