Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
