Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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