Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
