dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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