I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
