just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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