hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
