the condom got lost in my hair
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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