I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Randomize
