just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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