ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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