Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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