PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
