FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
