i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
