So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
