I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Found the puke drawer
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
