he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Damn victory sex feels great
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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