Kiss
Puke
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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