Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
