im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sobbing to NWA
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
