so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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