At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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