Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
