Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
