At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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