Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
