All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
