Pants 0. Shit 1.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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