I want to walk on stilts...naked
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
