my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
