Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
