I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
