I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
