So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
