we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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