apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
