so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
