I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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