I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
