How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
