Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
