omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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