spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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