I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
