Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
