I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
