Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
