Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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