You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You can't motorboat a personality
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
