omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
