I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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